So horny yet, so fussy...
More frustration here folks. I'm having one of my very horny moods right now, and I just lied my way out of a rendezvous I got myself into in the first place.
An ex-boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend from before I sat my Standard Grades who bored me senseless and still seems to think that he is magnificent in bed. Only once in our relationship did I drop the bombshell on him that I had never orgasmed through intercourse. This remains true.
He asked me to pay him a visit, which, as I've learnt over the past couple of years, is really just code for: "Come up and shag me." A few times, I made the naive assumption that I was going up for a friendly chat.
I let my erogenous zones rule my head for a brief moment, and led him to believe that there was a very good chance I'd be appearing at his door soon. Then I contemplated being in bed with him. Dread swept over me and my nipples receded. I had to get out of this - quick.
I took a breath and told him I was on the phone. I sat, and thought, and it hit me: My brother phoned to ask me to babysit his son while he (my brother) went out with his girlfriend. Parfait!
I broke it to him, convincingly, then sat wondering why I'm so blooming horny and refuse most opportunities to remedy this.
*Weeps* I just want a nice guy to be able to disappear under silk bedclothes with. It's my, evolutionary instinct. I'm not just being pathetic. Honest.
After all, where would we all be without sex? (We quite simply, wouldn't! Hurrah for sex!)
An ex-boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend from before I sat my Standard Grades who bored me senseless and still seems to think that he is magnificent in bed. Only once in our relationship did I drop the bombshell on him that I had never orgasmed through intercourse. This remains true.
He asked me to pay him a visit, which, as I've learnt over the past couple of years, is really just code for: "Come up and shag me." A few times, I made the naive assumption that I was going up for a friendly chat.
I let my erogenous zones rule my head for a brief moment, and led him to believe that there was a very good chance I'd be appearing at his door soon. Then I contemplated being in bed with him. Dread swept over me and my nipples receded. I had to get out of this - quick.
I took a breath and told him I was on the phone. I sat, and thought, and it hit me: My brother phoned to ask me to babysit his son while he (my brother) went out with his girlfriend. Parfait!
I broke it to him, convincingly, then sat wondering why I'm so blooming horny and refuse most opportunities to remedy this.
*Weeps* I just want a nice guy to be able to disappear under silk bedclothes with. It's my, evolutionary instinct. I'm not just being pathetic. Honest.
After all, where would we all be without sex? (We quite simply, wouldn't! Hurrah for sex!)
posted by Lord Pasternack at 10:10 AM
16 Comments:
I thought I'd come and lurk here too. Lurk lurk lurk. It passes the time (it would have passed anyway).
So you're from Glasgow too... Lurk lurk lurk. >cough< I'll be off then
Ooo - a fellow Glaswegian, eh?
Anything else you wish to share? :-P
I prefer baths to showers.
Any ideas as to a new screen-name, besides just my naaaaame? 'Cause gosh knows that's bland...
I could use this as an opportunity for some sexual innuendos ("can I share a bath?" etc) But that would be rather sad. Particularly since I have no idea who you are.
Still, I can titter.
no idea. how about youngling (warning: contains bad pun and Star Wars reference
Star Wars... I'm not a sci-fi fan...
My dad is. But says he hasn't seen any of the new films and "cannae remember" much else. So your ingenious pun has been lost on me.
All apologies, but it does sound quite cool, if a wee bit too cutesy, for someone who disnae ken the pun.
Hallo Belle de Jour
You are the first person, I think, outside of a rather sad circle of cyclists, to have posted a non-anonymous comment on my blog, www.2wheels.org.uk
So, by way of returning the compliment, I thought I should leave a comment on your site - which, being all sex and no pedals, is far more interesting than mine (all pedals and no sex).
In answer to your questions (http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14391684&postID=113954663811736195)
Internet access: small towns in the middle of the arse-end of China may not have much, but they sure as hell have internet cafes ('wangbas', they call them) because otherwise how would every 15-22 year old guy in town spend all day playing Counterstrike?
You could say that I am in the middle of nowhere - or you could say that I am in the middle of everywhere. It comes to the same thing. Little half-a-horse town called Batang, on the Sichuan-Tibet border. Yesterday some chaps turned up with sledgehammers and demolished about a couple of houses - they're coming back for the other half of the town tomorrow.
PG? He is this bloke: http://www.2wheels.org.uk/return/picasafiles/4_buryatia-and-mongolia-pictures/target29.asp
What about "Belle de Nuit"?
Or is that not going in the direction you were looking for?
when your famous how will it affect your blog?
http://www.namenerds.com/uucn/advice/sightings.html
if your looking for a new name then you can find a rather good selection here... All of which are totally strange and have certain comedy value I'm sure...
When I am famous, the only effect on my blog will be the number of hits it receives - which will substantially increase.
I will not be a celeb on a pedestal, so the folk who write cheap magazines for simple and insecure women will probably remain uninterested in my indiscretions.
Sorry for being so late in responding. I have such a busy schedule, dahlin'...
Oh and thanks for the name suggestions, CW. I'll keep them handy Justin Case.
But I'm still thinking and name's still pending. I don't wanna use Justin Case, 'cause it's a boy's name, and Justine Case doesn't have quite the same punch.
Sandy Beaches is not bad I suppose, but I don't think it "does it" quite. Hmmm...
Ta much anyhoo. I just wish I could use Justin Case... :P
Helen Back is rather good and should be listed I think..
I've heard that one, and there was a right belter I had in my head today, but which has now slipped out.
Bloody old age, I'm telling you.
Oh yeah! Master Bates!
I use to work with a bloke called Jamie Bates and in the end he changed his name because of it... when I heard that laughed even more. You got old age problems already! good god your just out of the shell, I'm entitled I can't remember doing my shoe laces up most days. I also have the urge to buy tarten slippers with velcro closures.... it's the way forward
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